Jon: That was some New Year's celebration last night, wasn't it, Garfield?
Garfield: Did anyone get the license number of the party that hit me?
Jon: Are you going to get up today?
Garfield: Now way! I got up yesterday and look what happened to me!
Jon: Not feeling well, huh?
Garfield: It would take two of me to feel worse
Jon: I don't mind grocery shopping
Jon: And I don't mind carrying them home
Jon: This is the part I dread
Jon: As long as you're in the way, why don't you find a place to put those groceries
Garfield: (gobble! gobble! gobble!)
Jon: I wanted you to put them in the pantry!
Garfield: Urp... that can be arranged
Jon: Okay, guys, I have a new house rule
Jon: From now on no pets are allowed on the furniture
Odie: Harf! Harf! Harf!
Garfield: Wah! Ha! Ha!
Jon: I don't get no respect
Garfield: I'm bored
Garfield: I'm bored, bored, bored
Garfield: Wait a minute! I control my own destiny! I'll create an exclusive country club resort
Garfield: First, I'll put some sandbox sand in the sunbeam
Garfield: Replete with the usual resort accouterments
Jon: Hey, what a great idea!
Garfield: I wonder how he got by the membership committee
Garfield: Well, the holidays are finally over and the ol' waistline has explored new vistas (pat, pat)
Garfield: It is time to declare another National Fat Week. We shall tell skinny jokes and revel in our fat
Garfield: I'm talking to you, chubby
Garfield: We fat people get a lot more out of life. We eat big. We drink big. We laugh big
Garfield: HAR! HAR! HAR!
Jon: Are you okay, Garfield?
Garfield: You wouldn't understand, skinny person.
Garfield: Being skinny isn't always a bed of roses
Garfield: It must be tough wearing suspenders to hold your socks up
Garfield: I knew a guy who was so skinny, he had to step on the scales twice to weigh himself!
Garfield: I think skinny people are funny...
Garfield: Their pants keep falling down (thump, thump, thump)
Garfield: I knew a kid who was so skinny, all he could wear was a hat!
Garfield's angel: Don't eat that pie! It's fattening!
Garfield's devil: Eat it!
Garfield's angel: You'll regret it tomorrow
Garfield's devil: Tomorrow never comes!
Garfield: I'd be thinner if my conscience were quicker-witted
Garfield: Fat people are healthier than skinny people in many ways...
Garfield: For instance, no fat person has ever been diagnosed as having vatorphobia
Garfield: That, of course, is the fear of starving to death in a stuck elevator
Garfield: This is my lucky day
Garfield: What...?
(Scriick, POOF!)
Garfield: It grew back!
Garfield: I've discovered the bottomless pan of lasagna!
Garfield: (blip)
Garfield: I knew it! I knew it! I knew it was too good to be true!
Garfield: (slup!)
Jon: THAT WAS MY LAST CUP OF COFFEE!
Garfield: I spilled some. You can suck it out of my sweater
Jon: What are you watching, Garfield?
Garfield: I don't know
Jon: Who's the lead character
Garfield: I don't know
Jon: What's the plot
Garfield: Hey! I'm watching television! Stop making me think, okay?
Garfield: (SLURP, GULP, BURP, SMACK, ERP)
Garfield: OH YUK!
Garfield: How disgusting! There's a people hair in my cat food!
