Jon: Doctor, I'm afraid my cat is having a nervous breakdown
Garfield: (Z)
Psychologist: Breakdown, maybe... Nervous, no
Psychologist: I've psychoanalyzed your cat, Mr Arbuckle
Psychologist: He's just fine
Jon: Great!
Jon: It's good to know you're normal, Garfield
Garfield: My friends call me moon unit
Jon: I'm glad you passed your psychological examination, Garfield. Isn't it great to know you're normal like everyone else?
Garfield: (Fweee)
Jon: (dial, dial, dial)
Jon: Hello, Joe's garage? Can you look at my car?
Jon: I'd like to bring him in for a checkup
Garfield: But I just had one
Jon: You'd better flush out his system
Jon: Tighten his hoses
Jon: Replace all the worn parts
Jon: Oh yes, and have him reupholstered
Jon: Garfield?
Garfield: I hate Monday... It marks the beginning of a long week of drudgery with no end in sight
Garfield: And I don't even have a job
Garfield: I'm just a social chameleon
Garfield: Here comes Arlene. One look from those dewy eyes turns me to jelly. I'd go to the ends of the Earth for her
Garfield: Touch my teddy bear and you'll be picking those false eyelashes off the ceiling, lady
Garfield: RRRRR
Arlene: I thought you asked me to dinner
Garfield: Old habits are hard to break
Garfield: I love those pointy little ears of yours and those luscious ruby red lips
Garfield: And I love listening to the melodic strains of the wind whistling through the gap between your front teeth
Arlene: You went on too far, fella
Garfield: You're cute when you're angry
Garfield: You know, Arlene, you are the second most beautiful cat I've ever met
Arlene: Who is she?
Garfield: “Who is she?” she asks
Arlene: Let's go mousing
Garfield: You go ahead
Arlene: How about a good night kiss?
Garfield: Forget it
Garfield: Lips that touch mice will never touch mine
Jon: Here, catch, Garfield
Jon: Good boy!
Jon: I think I hear the paperboy
Garfield: Now I'm going to catch the morning paper
Garfield: Stupid weekend edition
Mouse: Okay, Mr Cat. You caught me. Go ahead and eat me. Don't worry about the fact I have seven kids at home
Garfield: I'm not going to eat you. Go home
Mouse: To seven screaming kids? What kind of monster are you?
Garfield: I head mice spread filth and disease
Mouse: Do you believe everything you hear?
Garfield: Yes
Mouse: I hear swinging a dead cat over your head by the full moon at midnight brings good luck
Garfield: Touché
Garfield: Tell me, mouse. What do you do for a living?
Mouse: I pose for anti-vermin posters
Garfield: A cute mouse like you?
Garfield: That's very good
Mouse: Look, cat. You need a reason to be kept here and I need food. I'll show up in front of your owner and you chase me off. You'll have a job and I'll have a place to live
Garfield: Won't Jon get suspicious when I keep chasing the same mouse?
Mouse: I'll wear different wigs
Garfield: You thought of everything
Jon: GARFIELD! A MOUSE!
Mouse: Urp
Garfield: You're making me look bad, mouse
Mouse: I'm too full to run